Wife, babyfather’s sister hide ‘jacket’

Dear Pastor,

This is the first time I am writing to you and I hope you can help me. I am 34 years old and I have three children.

You may not remember me, but you officiated at the wedding of my husband and I. I trust you, so there are things that I feel that I can say to you.

When I got married, I was pregnant, but it was not showing. We got married in a private ceremony.

Two years after, I got pregnant again. And I thought that it was my husband who impregnated me, but it was not.

I had an old time boyfriend who was living in America, but visited Jamaica and stayed with his sister. His sister and I were good friends. She told me he always wanted to see me, so I went to see him. His sister was leaving for work, so she left the both of us at the house.

When I looked at the man, I asked myself whether I made a mistake in getting married because he told me that he has always loved me. He started to play around, and pastor, we played with each other for about half an hour and he could not control himself. I reminded him that I was married and he would not listen, After a while, I gave up the struggling and we went on the floor and there is where it happened.

He did not have any protection. I said to him when he was finished, "look what you caused me to do".

He said, "Nothing will happen to you."

The next day, I had sex with my husband and then I missed my period, but I thought nothing of it.

But this guy told his sister that we had sex. I did not know that he would tell anybody what we did. But when his sister realised that I was pregnant she said to me "suppose it was my brother who breed you", and I said to her, "no man".

Then she said, "You never can tell."

The boy started to grow up and he was walking just like how this man walked. But my husband never knew my old boyfriend, so he did not question anything.

However, this other guy's sister told me that my son is her brother's child, she knows for sure by the way he walks.

My husband has never questioned anything, but it is always on my mind.

Last year, this man sent me US$500 through his sister for his son. I did not want to take the money, but his sister said I would be a fool not to accept it. And she will tell him that he should send more from time to time.

The three children are registered in my husband's name. He has never questioned anything and my friend has kept her mouth.

I told her she is to be blamed for what happened between her brother and I. She said "no", she should not be blamed because she does not have a penis. She also told me I should have been stronger and not allowed her brother to have sex with me.

I am living with the guilt, but this time, I cannot confess that to my husband.

The children are doing well in school. I am working and we are all in church together.

I always wonder if this girl will say something to my husband. I am sure it will destroy my marriage.

She told me that she will never do so.

Y.M.

Dear Y.M.,

It is said that 'old fire stick easy to catch]. That is why some couples, even after they are divorced, find themselves having sex.

I would not tell you to divulge what you did to your husband. Perhaps another counsellor would, but I will not. That would be scary.

But I want you to know that although I am not telling you to do so that I sanction what you did. In the heat of passion, you had sex with your old time boyfriend. You knew what you were doing and he knew what he was doing, but the temptation was so strong that both of you yielded to it.

I hope for your sake, your girlfriend will never let you down.

Is it fair for your son not to know his biological father?

I asked the question, but I would now answer my own question. Your son may never have any reason for questioning you on the matter.

Pastor